Attempts at Redemption

            This is a hard post to write. Morocco has a serious issue with the behavior of its men and boys. While I’ve written before about sexual harassment and gender inequality and their effects on the country’s young men and women, in this post I want to explore this issue from another angle, the standard cultural response to people who cause problems.

            Before I start I need to say two things. Firstly, while this is a major issue I don’t want to leave the impression that this applies to all, or even a majority, of the country’s men and boys. It is a hugely prevalent issue, and one all us volunteers face, but we have allies among the men here. Secondly, just to be clear, I’m not using “culture” as a euphemism for “Islam.” While I’ve heard plenty of “Islamic” justifications for the separation of the sexes (and that ever awful response to sexual harassment, blaming the girl since she was dressed “immodestly, i.e. without a headscarf, i.e. without something that is never specifically encouraged in the Quran), those same people turn right around and make “Islamic” arguments about why boys shouldn’t harass women or be brats. I’ve also heard Islamic arguments saying the exact opposite. An American Muslim friend of mine recently posted a reminder on Facebook, that the prophet Mohammed cooked, cleaned, and took out the trash, so using Islam as a justification for treating women as household slaves is just wrong. The issue is cultural, and while it is a problem across the Islamic world, Islam is not the problem. What preachers need to do is make it part of the solution.

Moving to the issue at hand, I’ve time and time again heard people who act badly described as crazy, or as a brat, or a bully. The crux of it is that they don’t try to deal with the behavioral problem, they explain it away, and they don’t confront the person. I might be over analyzing, but I think this is a direct result of my hobbyhorse pet peeve, corporal punishment of children. Since beating is the most common form of discipline, boys never get used to feeling shame as a punishment. As such, they never learn how to cope with being shamed, and get very upset, sometimes even violent, if you shame them as an adult. When adult men behave badly then you can either try to shame them, which might end in a shouting match or even a fight, or you can go to the old standby and just hit them, which ends in a fight. No one wants to end up in a fight over something stupid, so men and boys who misbehave get away with acting terribly, and get used to it. As such a large group of “men” never really become adults; they’re just larger boys.

I have friends and counterparts who recommend that I buy into this element of the culture, and try to work sideways around intransigent and awful people, the way they do. The good Moroccan men have a knack for getting what they need from the bad ones, without ever calling them out or shaming them in any way. I haven’t learned this tactful skill. I think that not calling people out for their misbehavior creates a culture where they feel comfortable to misbehave. Acting like everything’s fine when it isn’t is a piece of Moroccan theatrics I won’t hold to. As a PCV I’m expected to adopt my host country’s culture as much as possible, but this is a place, as with child beating, that I draw my line.

In site, I’ve tried to deal with misbehaving boys in any number of ways that don’t involve beating. Some I’ve reformed by dangling something ahead of them (you can’t join class today, but if you behave you can come tomorrow). Some I’ve dealt with by giving them trust (you weren’t behaving well, but I’ll trust you’ll do better now). With those boys it can be wonders to give them responsibility (alright, I’m going to teach these girls how to throw the Frisbee, can you work with the younger boys?). Some I just have to punish (you’re not welcome in the Dar Chabab this week). A couple I’ve gone to their parents’ house with them, and then at the last moment seemed to give in to their pleas not to report on them (of course I’m never actually going to tell on them, child beating parents are the problem, but this bit of psychological warfare works occasionally). Some, despite all my methods, just will not improve, and they’ve frustrated me a lot lately.

The impetus for this post was my class the other day where that group of boys kept throwing rocks and dirt clods at the window and through the door of the classroom (again showing how awesome the girls are as they stuck at it despite the problems). The impetus for this post was the other week when walking the girls to my classroom those boys started hooting and hollering at them. I wasn’t paying attention to what they were saying, but one girl responded with a loud and clear “go **** yourselves” in Arabic. The impetus for this post was when they learned “**** you” in English and chanted it after me everywhere I go.

The only way Morocco is going to deal with the problem that is its men is if it confronts the problem head on. Letting bad behavior slide by and maintaining the status quo are easy, but it means almost half of Morocco’s work force will be disempowered while a huge chunk of the other half is incompetent with a superiority complex. I’m approaching the last few months of my service, and to wrap it up I think I can do no better thing than working in this troubling and difficult area. I’m confident enough in my integration that my mudir and I are planning an event to get people talking about the problem of sexual harassment in our town (with a cool resource that I’ll write about when we use it, stay tuned!). At the next school break I’ll be helping another volunteer with his plan to run a camp where boys think about the gender divide in a serious way, while also learning the skills to be functional adults. Lastly, I’m going to keep plugging away with those worst boys, because as this last week proved they aren’t irredeemable, and maybe in these last few months I can reach one or two more of them. Wouldn’t that be something?

Addendum: I can’t even comprehend how much better this last week has been. Additionally, my classes are have gotten back up to their usual numbers, so all kinds of positive motion in the latter part of this week. So I’ll end with a Joha story. This one I actually learned last summer when an older kid presented it as an English play (written by his teacher) at the Khenifra summer camp. Some of my students had just studied food and ordering at a restaurant, so I rewrote a simpler version of the play for them to put on in class. Apparently it’s a classic, because they all recognized it early on. Here is a non-dramatized version of the story:

One day, Joha went to a restaurant. He ordered himself a big meal, with roasted chicken, and rice, and all sorts of treats. At the last moment he asked for some soup. After bringing Joha the food the host went to relax, when suddenly Joha started to shout. “Ugh, what is this?!? This is disgusting!”

The host approached and asked what was wrong.

“There is a bug in my soup!” cried Joha. The host apologized and gave him the meal for free. Joha smiled and thanked the host, but while the host wasn’t looking Joha took the bug out of the soup.

Later, Joha ran into a friend. Joha asked him, “Do you want to eat a large, delicious meal for free?”

“Yes,” said the friend, so Joha brought him close and told him what to do. The friend went to the restaurant, but when he ordered his meal he was told there was no soup.

“Where can I put this bug then?” asked the friend, taking out the insect Joha had given him.

“So it was you!” cried the host, who chased Joha’s friend from the restaurant.